Mind & EverydayHow it works
How a sentence opener defuses an argument.
Thomas Gordon described the I-message in the 1960s: instead of “you never listen” you say “I feel overlooked when I’m interrupted, because this topic matters to me.” Structure: feeling, specific behaviour, effect. You-messages sound like verdicts and trigger defensiveness; I-messages are hard to dispute, because you are only describing yourself.
Useful: Formula for your next conflict: “I feel … when … because …”.
Source: en.wikipedia.org